Posts Tagged ‘God is good’

Summary of 2013

I consider last year to be the most challenging year of my life.

It was the year that God finally brought us to a church where we felt so at home. Not that we never felt that way from the other places that we’ve been to since the day we moved from our hometown. But we just felt that kind of feeling when you meet some kindred spirits.

Months passed and I really got involved in the church. I never say no to anything that my pastor or his wife asked me to do for the church, especially when it comes to music because our family made a promise to the Lord that we will allow Him to use us in His service wherever we are. I felt a great passion for the music ministry in church that I even asked my pastor if I could teach voice lessons. It was all great for me. I feel like I’m making the Lord proud by sharing with others the things that I learned throughout the years to improve myself and become a better singer for the Lord.

But behind all that, I was suffering from a broken heart. For that entire year, I fought really hard against my emotions and desperately asked the Lord to hold me together so I won’t break down. It’s a challenge to cry your heart out at night and wake up the next day to lead the singing of praises and worship with a forced smile. Still, I kept moving forward.

Meanwhile, the enemy thought that he could finally destroy me. And at that state of brokenness, he added a lot of messy events until I reached the point where I’m already telling myself, ‘As long as I still have my pastor’s confidence, it’s all that really matters.’ Needless to say, because of my sudden exposure in music in our place, there have been plenty of misunderstandings and wrong impressions. I taught songs, led the singing, but deep inside I’m in pain and I tried so hard to hide that. By that time, all I could ask from the Lord is for Him to make these moments pass by so quickly that I wouldn’t feel so much agony for a long time. I wanted to ask my pastor to just apoint somebody else so I could run away from all the negativity around me. Even my family suffered deeply, and it’s been tough because I can’t find any friend whom I can share my troubles with. But then again, I promised the Lord that I will do my very best in everything that He wants me to do, so as long as my pastor believes in me, that means the Lord is still on my side, so I will just do my job and keep my promise. I keep on telling myself that the enemy is just so desperate to destroy the children of God that he (the devil) would even try to break our relationships and make us go against each other so that we will scatter and end up getting angry with the Lord.

So despite every emotion that tried to pull me down, I gave what I think is the best that I can do for God. And it really made me so happy, so fulfilled! After a while, God made a way to break the wrong impressions and misunderstandings, so I felt more relieved that I never gave up. And even before that, I already got invitations to sing at two concerts hosted by two pastors from other churches. I’ve never felt so awesome! Just like everybody else, I also feel unworthy to be a part of His ministry and I don’t think that I’m really a good singer, but to know that God can use me even at the worst moments of my life is a proof that He can use our brokenness to help us become better individuals that He wants us to be! It’s not only for us to become stronger, but it’s also for us to know that no matter what happens, we can still live up our purpose as long as we don’t forget that He will always be with us! To God be all the glory!

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